Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook relationships are like flowers. They die in a day or two.

   PSA-When in a waiting room here are a couple of pointers: no one wants to hear you convo about getting the 'cream' for your itch and 2. turn your ringer DOWN, we don't want to hear 'your baby got back' ringtone.

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   Why do people with the most to say contribute the least???

   Age isnt a number clearly its a word

   The neighbors dog is thankful I'm not drunk enough to discharge a firearm in the city limits. yet.

   I can't wait for Tupac's next album

   I just want to live in a world where I don't have to pay for extra cheese let alone even have to ask for it.... *my mom

   If I'm am ever wronged, I expect you to avenge me. So be ready.

   If you can't handle me at my worst you're probably good at setting boundaries.

   I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow.

   The Buddhist Mafia is called Karma.

   If making guns illegal will get them off the street why don't we make drugs illegal?!? Oh wait......

   eating out..at home. ;)

   Well here I am, sitting on the pavement with my pork pies, sandwiches, & beer. Flying my union jack flag, cheering at the top of my voice with British pride as the procession goes past. Dont you just love muslim funerals.

   A chinese couple had a black baby guess what they named him? Sum ting wong

   Breaking News: The State of Indiana just made "smear the queer" the official playground game.

   Why do women fart after they pee? They can't shake it so they blow it dry.

   Gov. Chriatie pledges $15mil to repair NJ boardwalk. Will raise money by going on a diet...

   Just read a report that said 86% of holy water tested had fecal matter in it. Holy shít!!