Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.

   I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas.

   They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.

   My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine

   literally there are some of you I want to hit in the face with a book, oh my god.

   Hmmmm....what to do with this remaining roll of black duct tape I have now that Halloween is over?

   Trail mix should just sell M&M's

   'Tis the season when we buy this year's gift with our next year's money...'

   how IRONIC hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words

   The best part of waking up . . . is going back to sleep.

   Honey, remember to address the dog as "Dr." Scruffy. We didn't pay for eight years of post-grad obedience school for nothing.

   I wish jobs had a sick & tired of being sick & tired leave...

   Friends who befriend me can't be a friend in the first place now can they.

   Thinks it is pathetic that I walk into a restaurant and half the couples are not even talking to each other but texting on their smart phones. Crap, brb, my wife is bugging me about something....

   was told recently that it really doesn't constitute stalking if you inform the other party. I like that. So, Greater Facebook Community, I'm probably stalking you.

   The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is

   Wales..The only country you can get a great sh@g,a delicious Hotpot and a Smashing Jumper all from the same Animal.

   Sorry, I've just been taken by surprise, am not sure when he'll bring me back.

   facing the book

   Of this I am certain: This war on terrorism which has been longer than any other modern war thus far, will turn into a war of religion, Christianity vs Islam because of Ignorants and Fundamentalists on either side.