Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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trying to decide if she has an attitude problem today, or not. 
The worst part about waking up alone is not having someone to kick out of bed to make me coffee.
Some women are terribly hard to please... the rest are impossible!
watched American Idol for the first time tonight. I think I figured out why every one likes it so much. You get to see peoples dreams come true and get shattered all in one show. You don't get that anywhere else.
sends you this warning: If you don't know, as of today, Facebook will automatically start plunging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings --> Planetary Settings --> Trajectory then UN-CLICK the box that says 'Apocalypse.'
What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? I answered: His girlfriend.
"...and if elected, I promise you will never hear from me again..."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
"This is not an assignment you can casually handle doing the night before". You may as well be challenging me
Law of Study Leave: As per some equation, The rate of days nearing exams is directly proportional to The no. of things in life that get more interesting day-by-day!
eyjafjallajokull? that's honestly more of a drunk status update than a volcano.
I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.
I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas.
They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine
literally there are some of you I want to hit in the face with a book, oh my god.
Hmmmm....what to do with this remaining roll of black duct tape I have now that Halloween is over?
Trail mix should just sell M&M's
'Tis the season when we buy this year's gift with our next year's money...'
how IRONIC hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words 