Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "It was always the pigs who put forward the resolutions. The other animals understood how to vote, but could never think of any resolutions of their own."

   I'm looking forward to looking back on this month.

   I don't trust gorgeous women who are broke.

   I was driving the other day and I didn't stop at a stop sign, A police car pulled me over and a police man got out and asked "Did you see that stop sign?" Apparently I shouldn't have said "Yeah, but I didn't see you."

   Dad is it true that in some African Countries that a man doesnt really know his wife until he marries her? Son that's true in every country.

   The best person to be thrown in Jail with is the Kool aid man

   Sometimes we spend too much time thinking about someone who doesn’t even think of us for a second.

   Watching "Hitler's Hemorrhoids" on the Military channel......

   Chris Brown jokes are all the same... they all have the same punchline.

   gonna get hot, get naked, get wet, gonna rub my hands all over my body and make the windows steam up! Alright, calm down, just gonna take a shower. :)

   If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one?

   This chick got mad at me one time because that's what they do.

   BREAKING NEWS: Governor Orders Statewide Car Wash To Induce Rain.

   SPOILER ALERT!!! Wish the Milk in my refrigerator had that on it

   If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event..

   the economy is so bad, that hookers are now giving away toasters.

   Nobody has enough cargo to need those pants.

   Kristen Stewart has the same face expression I have everytime I check in a hotel with no wifi

   I blame poor bus stop signage for at least half of my solicitation arrests.

   The beauty of Google is that you can stop annoying people with your stupid questions.