Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Just learned the hard way not to scream hi to my friend jack on a plane. 
thinks Mr. Trump should ask a more important question next time around like... "Where is Osama Bin Laden?" or better yet, I'm waiting for Obama to ask Trump if his hair is real and to prove it! JUST SAYIN'
says 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let Kevin Bacon die!!!!
today, when I asked my dad why wedding dresses are white, he replied; "son, all household appliances come in white".
My wife said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's pop group The Monkees. I thought she was joking....and then I saw her face.....
no longer the statue and now the pigeon
updating FB while getting a bj
People without a college degree: A piece of paper don’t mean jack$hit. People with a college degree: Hey you, get back to work.
Olympic Medals: U.S.-104 Great Britain- 64 So much for us "Fat Americans"!!! United States Rock!!!
what makes Trump a winner? He isn't Obama, isn't that enough for the rest of the world who had to suffer through 8 years of hell to celebrate?
The NYC terror attack comes to you courtesy of the Democratic Party, Barry Obama and the judges he appointed, who've halted Pres. Trump from fulfilling his promise to secure our borders from Islamic terror.
i farted at work today, and a co-worker complained about the smell. Its air passing over $h!t what'd you expect it to smell like?!
says two fools make a moron, two morons make an imbecile, two imbeciles make an idiot and two idiots make a marriage.
If Hillary is elected President, at least we only have to pay her 300K...
so....I often joke that my wife is too fat for sex....I call her 'Missionary Impossible'....
took you to dinner,a movie,then for drinks,get back to your house then tell me you have your period (・_・)ノ”(ノ_<)
Does anyone know the name of that one song that doesn't have Pitbull in it?
hoping that she remebers last nite cause I dont.
W.T.F. - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...the weekend's almost here!!
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty ****ing cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too? 