Funny Status Messages
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Welcome to psychoville...!!!!!!!!!!! 
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do." -Napoleon Dynamite
Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.
could easily become the "Crazy Cat Lady" for Halloween. I could wear my everyday clothes and pin all the neighborhood strays to them......
stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message
BBC Sport: "Liverpool want Fanni" - Don't we all.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
An optamist can easily be let down, but a pessamist will never be dissapointed.
got food poisoning yesterday. Just not sure who to use it on yet.
I haven't cooked for myself in a while, and that was a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
Some women should just come with talk plans like my cell phone, because after to much conversation my MIND starts roaming!
An angry mob of nerds can be dangerous. The only thing stopping them from tipping cars is physical ability.
I don't want our enemies to know what I am thinking, so I will keep my thought s between me and my millions of followers on twitter.
If trump doesnt go to texas he is heartless, if he does go, he is taking valueable resources. I'm telling you it is a mental disorder.
I feel like everyone at this farmers market not eating a McGriddle thinks they are better than me.
After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.
Fear of Corona is on the decline....... Release the Murder Hornets.
I STILL remember grandpa's last words to me. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he said, "What's this warning label say?"
Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back... 