Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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It's terrible how many cable channels are filled with nudity. And how few of those channels come with basic service 
Things to shout at Tiger Woods at Augusta: "Nail this hole like a Hooters waitress." Or you can say, "Now that you're not getting any, beat it like it owes you money!"
Goodbye doesn't mean 'forever'. That's why I'll make you swallow the 'BYE' and give the 'GOOD' to me again.
my way of gun control is standing mine in the corner and making it stand there till I need it again
Another fun fact .... Economic growth under President Reagan was almost DOUBLE what it is under the Obama Presidency .... Or as the Democrats like to call the Reagan Economy ..... a Failed Economy.
I bought a new Jacuzzi without consulting my wife first. Now I'm in hot water.
Haha I can see it now "pot stamps" for people that can't afford to buy their pot.
"Love is finishing each other's sentences” - Jeffrey Epstein & Ghislaine Maxwell :)
Todays Mexican world of the day is DALLAS.....because this is dallas game the Cowboys will play this season.
Female NFL Referee: [Drops Penalty Flag]. Player: What did I do? Female NFL Referee: You know what you did.
Surely the LAPD has better things to do than bust old men yanking it in an adult movie theater…
16 and pregnant? how about 18 and graduated!
When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?
Ladies; The "JUICY" on the back of these shorts should really be on the front.
It has been brought to my attention that the stick figures on soccer mom vans are actually NOT pedestrian "kill" scores and are actually meant to represent family members. I will remove mine immediately to avoid any further confusion.
i like my women like I like my peanut butter.. super chunk
How high on the douche bag scale is the guy with his polo collar popped??
You know it's going to be a great story when it starts out with "So, this damn bi&ch..."
Its cold enough to chip a nipple...
These days: Smart Phones, Stupid People 