Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

   wonders who wants to a fairy princess when it's so much more fun to be the wicked queen

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   Eyjafjallajoekull Volcano. You must be eyjafjallajoking!

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   just paid my electric bill, so i'm kinda low on the stuff we trade out for those ice cold beers

   Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

   it me, or did American Idol invite all the senior citizens of Rock they could find??

   What part of hippomonstrasesquipphobia Dont you understand?

   You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with her, but she was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog. :)

   There had to have been some kind of break through in the pumpkin sciences this year because everything at the store has pumpkin in it!

   Hates when people run their mouth and they have no idea what they are talking about.

   does anybody still reminise the days of Celebrity deathmatch?!

   Dear woman behind the counter at CVS: I want to thank you for snickering when I was buying tampons for my wife, it made the situation just a little more awkward!

   Girls are like universities. he spend hours looking at them, only to realise he can't get into any of them.

   on my way to the catalina wine mixer....

   Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

   somehow misplaced his copy of 'Organization for Dummies.'

   going to the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop to see how much they will give me for my DVD copy of Pawn Stars the Complete 1st Season.