Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's so weird how some people have memorized the entire Bible yet managed to forget that pesky verse about not being all judgy.

   Subway's sub of the month should be black forest ham...

   Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

   What does an Eagles fan do after his team wins the Super Bowl?....He turns off Madden and goes to bed

   Know how I know there's no such thing as soy milk? Because there's no soy titty, is there?

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   Dear God, I think you're taking this Angry Birds game a little to the extreme.

   we dont need no educashun

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   Written outside a temple:Why should we beleive in GOD?because there are still some questions which cannot be answered by GOOGLE

   What is the difference between English soccer and Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton can score.

   Stay warm people. It's "R. Kelly" cool out there…and by that I mean "in the teens."

   Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

   Woke up and decided to do something crazy today so I went and had my va-jay-jay pierced! All the pain was worth it since now I pick up free XM Satellite Radio! I just can't stand in front of the microwave anymore.

   ‎[Status Blocked! Due to content only Legends can see what is written]

   Maybe the TSA is just offering prostate screenings as part of Obama's healthcare reform???

   I'm not a chef. But I'd be happy to baste your turkey for you.

   First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...

   As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.

   Charles D*ckens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"