Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's people who can build machines to explore other planets and then there's people telling you where to eat chicken sandwiches. Just sayin

   Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

   What does an Eagles fan do after his team wins the Super Bowl?....He turns off Madden and goes to bed

   Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.

   Doctor: Does insanity run in your family? My friend: Yes, my husband thinks he is the boss. :)

   You call me a Red Neck Back Woods Hillbilly, just because I go to the family reunion to find a date!...So be it!

   iPhone 5...still better than Twilight.

   Drake, Lil Wayne, and Nicki Minaj collaborating on a song together is like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Aids teaming up to form a super STD

   To any babies out there, I'm impressed that you can read this.

   So if I steal "free" wifi from the local church near my house, does that mean god is sending me a signal?

   It's so weird how some people have memorized the entire Bible yet managed to forget that pesky verse about not being all judgy.

   Subway's sub of the month should be black forest ham...

   Know how I know there's no such thing as soy milk? Because there's no soy titty, is there?

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   Dear God, I think you're taking this Angry Birds game a little to the extreme.

   we dont need no educashun

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   Written outside a temple:Why should we beleive in GOD?because there are still some questions which cannot be answered by GOOGLE

   What is the difference between English soccer and Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton can score.

   Stay warm people. It's "R. Kelly" cool out there…and by that I mean "in the teens."