Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In Honor Of Tonight's Debate, I Will Be Making "Obama Rolls".... They Consist Of A lot Of Hot Air, And Full Of Sh*t!

   Why do men complain about women nagging when it could all be solved so easily? DO IT THE FIRST TIME WE ASK!

   I believe in our constitution and what America was founded on, and as an Outdoorsmen and gun owner.. Romney/Ryan have my support.

   Since President Obama had to show his birth certificate... I am going to need Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann to show me a copy of their HS diploma... Because I have doubts..

   Black p eople weren’t good at SIMS cus they were unfamiliar with the “raise a family/feed a dog” lifestyle that’s why they created GTA.

   Robin Williams dies and suddenly Facebook is full of people with medical & psychology degrees

   s(HE) be(LIE)ve(D)

   women are good for 70 things. cleaning house, and 69

   The most romantic way to have sex with a girl is to t!tty f#ck her, because that's when you're closest to her heart.

   Duchess Kate, Ima let you finish, but the Virgin Mary had the greatest Royal Baby of all time.

   I WILL BE COMPLETELY HONEST FOR 24 HOURS...You can ask me 1 question (only in my INBOX). Any question, no matter how crazy, sinister or wrong it is. You have my FULL honesty, but I DARE you to put this text on your status and see what questions you get!!

   "Wake Me Up When September Ends"

   has been celebrating Columbus Day by walking into my neighbors homes and telling them that I live there now.........

   set my phone to "Airplane Mode" and it told me not to call it Shirley.

   if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?

   I was pulled over by a woman cop this morning. Never knew kitchens had speed limits.

   My life has changed for the better ever since I decided to let God take care of my problems and Karma take care of my enemies.

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go.

   If you see your buddy drinking an apple beer, you are required to kick him in his vag.

   Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!