Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i used to think meatballs were cow testicals when I was little

   I remember when I was a kid and dishwear sets from China used to be very expensive

   The mullet is just a helmet for domestic violence.

   ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

   Can you add sexual favors to an Amazon wish list?

   I should at some point in my life learn to cook for one..I only know how to cook for ten or more..spaghetti anyone?

   Obviously there's a hole in this wine glass.

   Facebook is where I choose my victims, twitter is where I meet my accomplices.

   Most relationships can survive a lot, but not shopping together for a new couch.

   turkey bacon is as worthless as soft core porn...

   Note to Ladies; Relationships don't turn a$$holes into princes

   Eight minutes to microwave my lasagna?? I don't want to eat it tomorrow...

   All I know is that Facebook causes a pile of laundry.

   Before you judge me.......nmake sure you're perfect!

   I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

   I am underwhelmed by the Mars rover landing pictures. You would think at this year 2012 we could get some colored pictures and video.

   Good judgement comes from experience. And all of that comes from bad judgment.

   I was looking for a romantic spot to watch the meteor shower, but I guess the strip club here doesn't have a skylight.

   i have too many feelings for someone not in a relationship.

   What's that Adele song about not being able to hold onto a boyfriend?