Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   bringing sexy back... to the store for a refund!

   wish I had a time machine to go back to 1968 so I could show all the pretty ladies what '69 is going to be like.

   The good thing about dating Black girls is not having to meet their fathers

   Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"

   If abortion is Murder, does that make condoms kidnapping?

   Looks like someone lost his girlfriend to a Mexican.

   walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper

   Redneck Word Of The Day-OBAMA: I just wiped my butt OBAMA self

   God made men. But sandwiches weren't going to make themselves. So God made women.

   meanwhile in Justin Biebers anal cavity. ~•　　　　~•　　　　　　　　~•　　　　　　　~•　　　　~†¢ã€€ã€€ã€€~•　　　　　　~•　　　　~•　　　　　　　　~• 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ã

   Just figured out how to stop the oil spill! Put a wedding ring on it and it will never put out again.

   Joe Biden looks like he smells like pee.

   Fingers crossed that this is the end of that terrible show

   Affordable Care Act "aka Obamacare"...........Affordable but ONLY if you make 10k + a month!!

   annoyed that he can't play UNO. The Mexican's keep stealing my green cards.

   I'm not racist.. I have a colored TV......

   I'm opening up a tattoo shop just for blind people. I wont really tattoo them. I'll just stab'em with a needle taped to a vibrator for an hour

   The weather is 88 and hazy .. kind of like Joe Biden

   Biden figures people won't be complaining about rising gas prices or empty store shelves if they're high on crack. . .

   pee-ing so hard a little bit of laugh came out