Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman? Their criminal record.

   ( . )Y( . )

   ... This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting...

   may not be the prettiest flower in the garden, but at least i'm loved by some amazing people

   Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance...

   So, Tom Morello with Rage Against the Machine hates capitalism even though, thanks to capitalism, he's worth 60 million????

   "I got 99 chores and I ain't did one." - Lay Z

   For you non-believers, the Bible is actually 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

   N.W.A. didn't need the "W.A." The "N." established a pretty clear tone.

   Neither of the Democrat candidates have the balls to be president.

   only shoplifting discount stores, because jail sentences are based on cost of goods stolen.

   What if the cure for cancer is in the mind of someone who cant afford an education?

   How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy

   i walked past my mother-in-law's house today that was on fire. I spotted her screaming from the top window, "SAVE ME, SAVE ME!!!" ...So I did! ...as my new screensaver.

   Why did Adele cross the street? To say hello from other side

   24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.

   A priest, a rabbi and a clown walk into a bar, and the bartender says: "Is this some kind of joke?"

   Man Rule #6......Men's Olympic Swimming events are the ''Only'' I repeat ''Only'' time speedo's are allowed!!!

   So the Clinton's postion on gay marriage has "evolved" and they are now in support of it. I'm confused, haven't they been in a gay marriage since 1975

   Can the next terrorist bomb the westboro baptist church? That would be kinda cool actually