Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Trash, At least you get picked up...Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

   Hillary Clinton should be the first f-president. I was going to say female but somebody deleted the 'emale'.

   Jesus' Greatest Miracles: 1) Turning water to wine... 2) Raising Lazarus... 3) Maintaining a milky-white complexion in a desert climate for 33 yrs

   Every time I see a female sword swallower I think ...... she use to have a black boyfriend

   Obama is like that one kid in Kindergarten that quits playing when he doesnt get his way.

   ʇı puɐ ʇı dılɟ uɐɔ

   I wonder if the BOSS played "Born in the USA" yesterday just to get under Donald Trumps skin.

   What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman? Their criminal record.

   ( . )Y( . )

   ... This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting...

   may not be the prettiest flower in the garden, but at least i'm loved by some amazing people

   Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance...

   So, Tom Morello with Rage Against the Machine hates capitalism even though, thanks to capitalism, he's worth 60 million????

   "I got 99 chores and I ain't did one." - Lay Z

   For you non-believers, the Bible is actually 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

   N.W.A. didn't need the "W.A." The "N." established a pretty clear tone.

   Neither of the Democrat candidates have the balls to be president.

   only shoplifting discount stores, because jail sentences are based on cost of goods stolen.

   What if the cure for cancer is in the mind of someone who cant afford an education?

   How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy