Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This status is brought to you today by the neighbor's router.

   Norwegian Cruises are offering buy 1 week get 2 free. Use promo code "CORONA"

   I'd rather be quarantined with my family than with the finest people in the world.

   I bet people's pets are just loving this quarantine

   YOU CANT GROUND ME, THE GOVERNMENT ALREADY DID -Kids

   The below post, I checked on his Twitter page. Now I see why he's this stupid. SMH.

   Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It’s like having a remote to open the fridge.

   I went to the bank today. I saw a man with a mask and gloves come in and thank God he was just there to rob the place.

   Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework

   Paying the internet $4.99 to take an IQ test is you failing the test.

   I like seeing people with no mask or gloves on. Just raw doggin' life

   Thinking of calling into work due to diarrhea…no one questions diarrhea

   me: sorry but I just can’t sugarcoat this my boss at Kellogg:’s: you’re fired

   It's the postproduction phase of eating fast food that takes the expierience all downhill.

   So when does "Kris Humphries Nightmare Divorce" begin shooting?

   If you're a psychic and you get murdered then no you weren't.

   We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.

   unwittingly a dog whisperer! After an argument with my sister I whispered "b*tch" and she said "I heard that"

   sure that if I ever went to a psychologist, he'd tell me that ALL my personalities are fine...except my REAl one.

   I wish personal ads could be honest, like 'Toxic seeks Self-Loathing.'