Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Weiner's press conference was long and hard, but he finally whipped out his resignation after beating around the bush for a few minutes, effectively penetrating the crux of the situation and bringing the story to an explosive climax...

   You remind me of my Chinese friend.. Ug Lee

   sorry folks, he will go down as one of the greatest Presidents in History

   Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.

   SEAN PENN is a communist-loving sellout. Why the hell was he crying like a little b itch at HUGO CHAVEZ funeral?

   if sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is called a twosome then you should understand why they call me handsome

   I just checked. There are no restraining orders against you. There's no reason you can't attend church!!!!

   Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with copious amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that's the best medicine.

   50,000 battered women....and i'm still eating mine plain

   Who else thinks the Brandon should be 2021 man of the year?

   What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.

   I like my women like I like my coffee...tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes behind a donkey.

   Welcome to Utah - Set your watch back 20 years.

   Sometimes Religion is a crutch for the weak, the lazy, the clueless and the plain ignorant. Many times I have witnessed Christianity used as a refuge by some people who cannot deal with life and its daily struggles, so they turn towards religion for help.

   Here is something that nobody ever mentions about Obama, he is also half-white. If you don't believe that Barack Obama is half-white, YouTube him dancing on 'Ellen.'

   You're leaning on your left elbow arent you!

   In 2011 the government will start killing all mentally challenged people. I started crying when I thought of you. Run my little retard, save yourself.

   If the camera adds ten pounds, why does Rush Limbaugh use 10 cameras?

   accidently jerked himself off at church today

   wears her sunglasses at night