Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just saw a commercial for the new movie "Hop". I don't think I'll ever look at jellybeans the same way again! ;)
←Rate | 03-31-2011 13:03 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Empty bottle of Tequila......Waking up fluent in Spanish.......Coincidence?? I think NOT....;)
←Rate | 07-11-2011 18:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon welfare and/or food stamps with no intentions of ever working; and 535 useless people in the U.S. House and Senate. Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer!!
←Rate | 07-26-2011 22:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
←Rate | 11-05-2012 14:23 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Screw you IHOP...why the hell am I banned? The waitress clearly asked me where I wanted the whipped cream... I just showed her.
←Rate | 11-15-2012 01:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said to my niece, “There are two words I'd like you to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome' and the other is ‘gross'.” “Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”
←Rate | 11-19-2012 19:26 by Mick J Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lets take a moment and be thankful....for yoga pants.
←Rate | 11-25-2012 10:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Thursday.
←Rate | 07-04-2013 11:26 by Niltzz Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just spilled ranch dressing on my keyboard then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 03:48 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon North Dakota State campus evacuated due to a bomb threat. Both students are suspects...
←Rate | 09-14-2012 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will get drunk and dress like Batman tonight. The city needs me. Unfortunately, wife won't let me out the yard when I'm dressed like this.
←Rate | 09-30-2012 08:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stalking is such a negative word...I like to consider myself as a "distant admirer"
←Rate | 10-08-2012 21:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left the diamonds on an Island, look for clues on my FB!.....", just to get them to read all the jo kes i've posted.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 15:13 by Jwitty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, I'm already fat, so you know what I'll look like after we get married.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I actually Luke autocorrect
←Rate | 05-24-2013 23:25 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You get a dozen chances to make a first impression when you're dealing with a pothead.
←Rate | 06-19-2013 15:42 by YourFavOriteAhole Comments (0)  


   messageicon If being a vegitarian is so awesome, how come they want that $hit to look like meat??
←Rate | 06-22-2013 21:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bill the serial flasher was thinking of retiring, but he's decided he's gonna stick it out for another year.
←Rate | 07-21-2012 04:58 by vimvanvos Comments (0)  


   messageicon We become what we most hate. So I'll apologize now for eventually playing for the Cowboys
←Rate | 07-25-2012 18:45 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Dude I wasn't that drunk".... "Dude you started watching the Twilight Trilogy"
←Rate | 07-28-2012 01:57 Comments (0)  




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