Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2995 of 6446

The first person to fabricate a muffler for a Dentist's drill, will make a fortune!

..after reading the side effects – pale stools, facial tics, constipation, sore throat, hives, chest pain & mouth sores – for erectile dysfunction pills, I've come to a rational conclusion: It's totally worth it.
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07-28-2011 23:29 by Nate
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So Martha Stewart just turned 70 and is still bangable..... Either I'm losing it, or I am setting the bar really really low.
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08-04-2011 18:20
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With the possibility of the NFL season being cancelled, you would think that no players would be going under the knife, but...
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04-27-2011 20:27 by Marymc
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OMG! Got an invite to The Royal Wedding! YES! Wait, oh crap, it's for the wedding of Ted and Nancy Royal in Columbus, OH.
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04-28-2011 15:10
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I heard the Royle wedding is having a horse drawn carriage or Prince Charles just calls her Camilla
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04-28-2011 21:36
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Can I fill my gas tank with Bin Laden's blood?
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05-01-2011 22:57 by momjovi69
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I'm not lazy. I vacuumed today. I believe vacuum is the scientific term for it...
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05-19-2011 01:31
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Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.

I want to meet the skeletons in your closet...
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02-19-2011 13:30 by Ella
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at the zoo today with all the little kids running around, oh wait a minute its just Walmart.
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02-19-2011 20:50 by Drew
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Dose the show glee remind anyone of the Mickey Mouse clubhouse?
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02-25-2011 12:41 by Game
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Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
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03-01-2011 04:03 by RoN
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I wish Caillou the very best, but there is no way that whiny brat is surviving past middle school!

What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
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10-03-2011 16:59 by Mick F
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Pain changes people. Don't hurt them if you don't want them to change on you.
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10-08-2011 13:21
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what's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'?
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10-12-2011 07:28
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in the future i'm gonna be telling my kids "back in my day we sat the DVD player on top of the tv"
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10-12-2011 14:13 by Eddy
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I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

According to the BBC, Harold Camping cannot be found today which made me laugh. Now we can all have a bit of peace!
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05-22-2011 14:19
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