Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 2995 of 6446

   messageicon The first person to fabricate a muffler for a Dentist's drill, will make a fortune!
←Rate | 07-28-2011 16:30 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..after reading the side effects – pale stools, facial tics, constipation, sore throat, hives, chest pain & mouth sores – for erectile dysfunction pills, I've come to a rational conclusion: It's totally worth it.
←Rate | 07-28-2011 23:29 by Nate Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Martha Stewart just turned 70 and is still bangable..... Either I'm losing it, or I am setting the bar really really low.
←Rate | 08-04-2011 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the possibility of the NFL season being cancelled, you would think that no players would be going under the knife, but...
←Rate | 04-27-2011 20:27 by Marymc Comments (0)  


   messageicon OMG! Got an invite to The Royal Wedding! YES! Wait, oh crap, it's for the wedding of Ted and Nancy Royal in Columbus, OH.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 15:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard the Royle wedding is having a horse drawn carriage or Prince Charles just calls her Camilla
←Rate | 04-28-2011 21:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can I fill my gas tank with Bin Laden's blood?
←Rate | 05-01-2011 22:57 by momjovi69 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not lazy. I vacuumed today. I believe vacuum is the scientific term for it...
←Rate | 05-19-2011 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.
←Rate | 02-01-2011 15:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to meet the skeletons in your closet...
←Rate | 02-19-2011 13:30 by Ella Comments (0)  


   messageicon at the zoo today with all the little kids running around, oh wait a minute its just Walmart.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 20:50 by Drew Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dose the show glee remind anyone of the Mickey Mouse clubhouse?
←Rate | 02-25-2011 12:41 by Game Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
←Rate | 03-01-2011 04:03 by RoN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish Caillou the very best, but there is no way that whiny brat is surviving past middle school!
←Rate | 09-20-2011 10:55 by @fedoramedia Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:59 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pain changes people. Don't hurt them if you don't want them to change on you.
←Rate | 10-08-2011 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'?
←Rate | 10-12-2011 07:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in the future i'm gonna be telling my kids "back in my day we sat the DVD player on top of the tv"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:13 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 10:49 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the BBC, Harold Camping cannot be found today which made me laugh. Now we can all have a bit of peace!
←Rate | 05-22-2011 14:19 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left