Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I skinned my elbow on the headboard while making the bed. Does this mean I am dangerous in bed?
←Rate | 06-02-2010 15:41 by byteme Comments (0)  


   messageicon singing.... is singing....old macdonald had tourettes e -i - e -i F%*K!
←Rate | 03-18-2010 00:55 by Vybe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else uncomfortable with how many nipples dogs have?
←Rate | 01-05-2013 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon every time I hear someone say 1993, I still think it was only 10 years ago...
←Rate | 01-31-2013 21:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife .. if she ever wanted to try anal sex, I'd be behind her all the way
←Rate | 08-10-2012 20:37 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 19:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you can't let me into the club? Maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can persuade you… *comes back 45 mins later in a bad wig, holding a kite*
←Rate | 10-05-2012 02:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men & Women view the world differently. Men view the world as it is, women view it by whatever they make up in their minds and expect men to figure it all out.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 17:23 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Foot fetishes are for men who don't know what boobs are
←Rate | 09-06-2011 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 16:46 by cornholio Comments (0)  


   messageicon My sister came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:31 by Destiinyy Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the movie of life, I am my own stunt double.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 20:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Face your problems,Don't Facebook them!
←Rate | 09-28-2011 13:06 by Lozo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is like music: for every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 13:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all equally valid, but one thing breaks the tie in favor of Christianity: grilled cheese with bacon.
←Rate | 06-25-2014 21:49 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Walmart really wanted to help its customers, they'd sell teeth.
←Rate | 01-31-2015 09:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind the cold weather but I'm ready for my wife to start shaving her pubes again!
←Rate | 03-05-2015 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Female president? Maybe when they rename it the Oval Kitchen.
←Rate | 03-17-2016 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon now listed as single but in a relationship,its complicated.
←Rate | 04-23-2009 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon clapping her hands and stomping her feet because she is happy and she knows it.
←Rate | 02-13-2008 17:36 Comments (0)  




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