Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In hockey and in women.. periods temporarily stop the fun .
←Rate | 02-06-2017 21:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but the only thing I'm positive about is that I have an attitude.
←Rate | 11-21-2021 22:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s really not about the dry cleaning bill. I’m just upset that your dog never called my leg afterward.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are going to die, there’s no question about it. The question is, are you going to live. Because, half of the people in this world are not living.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [50 YEARS FROM NOW] Husband: *standing at my grave* I want you to know that after all these years I still can’t find where you put the ketchup in the fridge.
←Rate | 09-03-2020 14:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon imagine your credit card gets declined at the hospital and they put your appendix back in
←Rate | 09-09-2020 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if girls got mad on dates in the 1700's because guys kept checking their treasure maps.
←Rate | 10-15-2020 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.
←Rate | 10-21-2020 06:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks, heavy metal concert. If I want lots of screaming without understanding the words I’ll just hang out with my toddler.
←Rate | 11-10-2020 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blowing on the vodka in my coffee cup to convince the rest of the Zoom meeting it's coffee...
←Rate | 12-09-2020 18:56 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone tweeted that they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, “Just like the ones grammar used to make?” Now, I’m blocked.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when our biggest fear in 2019 was lettuce?
←Rate | 01-07-2021 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i eat one snickers a day to build up immunity in case someone tried to kill me with snickers
←Rate | 01-11-2021 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I made a belt out of herbs; what a waist of thyme.
←Rate | 01-29-2021 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would like to be a man who dies with his boots on, but knowing my luck it will be a day I chose to wear socks with a pair of Crocs and my friends will have fun with that.
←Rate | 03-08-2021 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of Forrest Gump is when a guy with an IQ of 75 gets accepted to the University of Alabama.
←Rate | 03-10-2021 14:45 by TonyB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking on the bright side of being in quarantine… Now all those stolen office supplies just look like good planning.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i wish I was a cow eating grass in a field. no rent. no job. no college. just moo
←Rate | 07-20-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist Plot.
←Rate | 07-24-2020 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [boiling pot] Dad lobster: why’s the heat on with the lid off
←Rate | 07-31-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  




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