Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   two people away from a threesome

   just risked a car accident to type this

   You did WHAT?? With WHO?? Behind WHAT barn?? For how many COOKIES!?!?

   Apple Bottom Jeans,Turban With The Fur,Got The Whole Mosque Looking At Her....

   girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

   Westly Snipes should have never gone to prison for a misdemeanor convection! How about locking up some of the bankers who crashed the economy?

   If the U.S. decides to strike Syria because they used chemical weapons on their own people, I suggest we launch a few Patriot missles on Monsanto for doing the same thing to us.

   I can't believe I missed the Breaking Bad finale. And, every other single episode...

   I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters.

   ladies, is your computer running slow? There's a simple fix: PUT OUT MORE! Your man is downloading too much porn!

   You are too blessed to be stressed, depressed or dealing with mess. Never suppress your success, instead profess your progress. Then sit back and let the HATERS obsess to excess over what you possess...more or less. And now I digress.

   Ale-Ale-Andro, Judas, Juda-ah-ah, Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerface, Te-Te-Te-Telephone... I think lady gaga has a studdering problem.

   Obama's Farewell Speech...You had me at goodbye!

   Having not ever watched Mega Kelly on FOX, I'm pleased to announce that I will now not be watching her on NBC.

   And in other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.

   If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house.

   My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”

   Kate Middleton & Prince William have finally come out with their baby & to everyone's surprise, it looks exactly like every other newborn.

   I'm not saying she was ugly, but the dog had to close his eyes just to hump her leg

   "Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds"~~John Lennon....world's worst Clue player