Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   got a Black-Belt in Crazy!

   "Silence is Another name for my Pain."

   I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

   Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.

   I never knew how corny some of my friends were before I added them on Facebook.

   Doesn't matter how you find the gold, as long as you beat the leprechaun to it

   wonders if women are from venus, and men are from mars... where are transvestites from?

   Paris Hilton thanks fans for their support following cocaine arrest. In other breaking news: Paris Hilton has fans?!

   just found out that the next Hannah Montana will be played by Justin Bieber!

   Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.

   I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use. I will always agree, so stop asking me to confirm that I read it.

   It takes a special kind of crazy to marry a divorce lawyer.

   ....so next time your in Home Depot or Menards buying somthing BIG... like a couple sheets of plywood or something....with a straight face.... ask them if you can get some help putting the items in your Smartcar...the look is priceless

   thinks he knows why Chloe Kardashian and Chewbacca have never been seen in the same room together...

   thought he saw a ninja while driving home today - turned out to be just a light pole...or was it?

   NEW: McCain reacts to Trump’s threat to “fight back and it won’t be pretty.” McCain: “I have faced tougher adversaries.

   Breaking news: Trump to appoint dingo to watch baby.

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   For those celebrating Woman's Day... A 'man' won women of the year last year...just sayin..

   Respect must be earned, even when you are a fat, rich white guy with an important job.