Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2609 of 6451

You can make my whole day just by not being part of it ..
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01-09-2014 11:37
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Where is the ãdmįn when you need one
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02-05-2014 11:01 by Angry
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Why is it called ''beauty sleep'' when you wake up looking like a troll??

I had so much no sex last night.
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06-23-2014 08:34 by Baddie
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I think Ceelo Green released the Ray Rice tape
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09-08-2014 18:04
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in my opinion, a camel's back seems like a very inefficient way to transport straws,,, but I might be a bit biased here.
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11-24-2014 18:56 by snotty
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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
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02-06-2016 01:12
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Remember when you had an appointment and got to leave during the middle of school, it was so triumphant like "Haha bye you f*ckers, I'm going to get my teeth cleaned and then eat McDonalds. Where you at?!?!"...
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02-10-2016 00:08
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Females are simple bro: With them, Yes means Yes, & No means Yes, & No means No, & No means Maybe, but Maybe means Yes, and Maybe means No.....
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02-10-2016 15:18
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"My best years are still ahead of me," I say as I walk slowly up the stairs, knees crackling like a campfire.
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02-13-2016 11:12 by Snotty
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Subway: Satisfy your Valentine with a footlong.
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02-14-2016 03:22
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You know you're getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance.
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02-22-2016 11:07
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10 year olds these days running around with their iPhones... When I was 10, I was listening to Aqua on my Walkman while struggling to keep my 2 tamagotchis alive. The struggle was so real!
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02-17-2016 14:24
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I think fire safety courses should require having to do the Safety Dance.
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02-22-2016 09:03
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Does anyone else clean their phone on their boob or is that just me?
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02-24-2016 03:59
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I'm beginning to think my type is just a font. . .
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02-28-2016 19:13 by JAB
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When you say, "Friends With Benefits"....I assume you own a liquor store.
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03-05-2016 01:03
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There's so many pictures of trump thrusting an index finger at me in my timeline, I'm starting to feel violated and a little horny.
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03-09-2016 13:33 by Karen
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Just read that serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's house is for sale and no one is interested. I get it though, no one wants to live in Ohio.
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03-10-2016 16:47
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After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I've come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
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03-15-2016 01:24
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