Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You can make my whole day just by not being part of it ..
←Rate | 01-09-2014 11:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where is the ãdmįn when you need one
←Rate | 02-05-2014 11:01 by Angry Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it called ''beauty sleep'' when you wake up looking like a troll??
←Rate | 06-14-2014 03:48 by @UXBRIDGEGUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had so much no sex last night.
←Rate | 06-23-2014 08:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Ceelo Green released the Ray Rice tape
←Rate | 09-08-2014 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in my opinion, a camel's back seems like a very inefficient way to transport straws,,, but I might be a bit biased here.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 18:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
←Rate | 02-06-2016 01:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when you had an appointment and got to leave during the middle of school, it was so triumphant like "Haha bye you f*ckers, I'm going to get my teeth cleaned and then eat McDonalds. Where you at?!?!"...
←Rate | 02-10-2016 00:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Females are simple bro: With them, Yes means Yes, & No means Yes, & No means No, & No means Maybe, but Maybe means Yes, and Maybe means No.....
←Rate | 02-10-2016 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "My best years are still ahead of me," I say as I walk slowly up the stairs, knees crackling like a campfire.
←Rate | 02-13-2016 11:12 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Subway: Satisfy your Valentine with a footlong.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance.
←Rate | 02-22-2016 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 10 year olds these days running around with their iPhones... When I was 10, I was listening to Aqua on my Walkman while struggling to keep my 2 tamagotchis alive. The struggle was so real!
←Rate | 02-17-2016 14:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think fire safety courses should require having to do the Safety Dance.
←Rate | 02-22-2016 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else clean their phone on their boob or is that just me?
←Rate | 02-24-2016 03:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm beginning to think my type is just a font. . .
←Rate | 02-28-2016 19:13 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you say, "Friends With Benefits"....I assume you own a liquor store.
←Rate | 03-05-2016 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's so many pictures of trump thrusting an index finger at me in my timeline, I'm starting to feel violated and a little horny.
←Rate | 03-09-2016 13:33 by Karen Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just read that serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's house is for sale and no one is interested. I get it though, no one wants to live in Ohio.
←Rate | 03-10-2016 16:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I've come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
←Rate | 03-15-2016 01:24 Comments (1)  




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