Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oh so the "wind is blowing" huh? Thanks for that description genius. But tell me this, have you ever felt wind that doesn't blow?

   Dear Nosey Friend, I know you're reading my inbox while You're "playing" with my phone.

   Im so sick of my smartphone. If technology was up to me, we'd just now be getting around to the whistle thingy when a tea kettle gets hot.

   The future is not a place where you go, It's a place you create.

   You can tell you have been on the road too long when you pull out the key fob that opens up your car doors and keep hitting the button trying to open the front door to the house.

   No Ma'am, Wireless-G isn't a rapper.

   its hump day and I wanna be on top

   I'm a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.

   NO!! I will not join your gym club until you put in vending machines for BEER!!!

   Dear Reality, I've a list of people you forgot to slap!

   Dear Google Maps, Please extend your street view to the rural parts of the country. I'm trying to find out which field I left my virginity in. Sincerely, anonymous

   Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..

   RJ Just changed his relationship status to " It doesn't have to be that complicated Let's just drink and get naked And see what happens"

   Am I the only one who watches prescription drug commercials and while they are listing the side effects like, dementia, loss of vision, and thoughts of suicide, suddenly think of an ex?

   I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans. But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

   If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow, I am just going to shut down...

   When you're waiting for him in his T-shirt, it's cute. But when he's waiting for you in your T-shirt, it's time to start worrying.

   it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!

   Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check... Horny campers, that's easy!