Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   having more ups and downs than a hookers panties today.

   The entire French language is a choking hazard.

   making an omelet out of Cadbury Eggs and jellybeans.

   There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way," I usually do.

   Oh so the "wind is blowing" huh? Thanks for that description genius. But tell me this, have you ever felt wind that doesn't blow?

   Dear Nosey Friend, I know you're reading my inbox while You're "playing" with my phone.

   Im so sick of my smartphone. If technology was up to me, we'd just now be getting around to the whistle thingy when a tea kettle gets hot.

   The future is not a place where you go, It's a place you create.

   You can tell you have been on the road too long when you pull out the key fob that opens up your car doors and keep hitting the button trying to open the front door to the house.

   No Ma'am, Wireless-G isn't a rapper.

   its hump day and I wanna be on top

   I'm a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.

   NO!! I will not join your gym club until you put in vending machines for BEER!!!

   Dear Reality, I've a list of people you forgot to slap!

   Dear Google Maps, Please extend your street view to the rural parts of the country. I'm trying to find out which field I left my virginity in. Sincerely, anonymous

   Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..

   RJ Just changed his relationship status to " It doesn't have to be that complicated Let's just drink and get naked And see what happens"