Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.

   After Watching Jersey Shore I wonder to myself is this all that MTV has Left???

   no matter how you spell Gaddafi , it still spells DENIAL

   Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

   Don't trade what you want most for what you want now.

   I take context out of things.

   My girlfriend and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

   I would shoot you, but why end your misery.

   Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

   standing in line at Target and just received a dirty look from the woman in front of him, after he started dancing to her obnoxiously loud "Sex and The City"-theme ringtone.

   Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

   wishing I could hit CTL ± ALT ± DEL ± and start today all over!!!

   just came to the conclusion that 50% of the poeople on my facebook page are nothing but virtual stalkers!!!!!

   A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

   dirty litte mind is on Active Duty today

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

   The hardest part about business is minding your own.

   My cellphone is mixing people up (surprise this would only happen to me) So if you get a picture of my left tit..apoligies in advance!!

   If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.

   If somebody ever stole my identity, I'm pretty sure they'd give it right back.