Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Superman is so smart, why is his underwear on the outside?

   New entertainment. I go to a FB friends wall that I rarely talk to and I keep going back to the oldest post I can find from them and press like. This really confuses them. Especially, if it's them just asking someone you don't know how they are

   Do more than belong.. Participate! Do more than care.. Help! Do more than believe.. Trust! Do more than be fair.. Be kind! Do more than forgive.. Forget! Do more than dream.. Work! Life keeps going, be part of it..

   Hef engaged to a 24 year old?! Now I'm inspired that my future trophy wife may not even be born until 2040!

   gonna rock your WALL!

   wonders how love potions 1-8 worked out.

   So, you say it was a long day huh? Well I bet it was 24 hrs long just like everybody elses!

   Yesterday my wife brought home a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. The title of it is. . . "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong"

   reading a book....yea I know I was shocked too

   So theres a new college fraternity for sluts called Alpha Kenny Body.

   KFC want you to buy a Bucket of obesity and heart attack inducing food for Breast Cancer? COME ON SON!!

   Deal of the century: Iceland took billions of Euros from the EU, and instead of paying them back in cash, they are returning them with ASH.

   Reminder: Buy low and sell high... Unless it's Pot... Then you're buying and selling high...

   I'm not a fan of drama but I know a lot of people running for club president.

   I am writing a 360 page book...I'm making progress...I already have all the page numbers done

   totally against selling babies for beer, but teenagers that's another story.

   The way my luck runs, if I were hanging on to the side of a cliff for dear life, the person reaching down to pull me up would be a leper.

   Just sprayed my wife with Axe body spray. Now I'm just waiting for a bunch of hot chicks to come rip her clothes off like on those commercials.

   used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I probably should have chosen my words better.

   BEFORE MARRIAGE: Saturday Night Fever AFTER: Monday Night Football