Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every time a T.S.A. Agent touchs your junk... the terrorist win.

   37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.

   If you thought the Vuvuzelas at South Africa were annoying, wait til you hear the automatic weapons the Russians bring to the World Cup.

   a paranoid schitizophrenic, I think I'm following myself.

   You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!

   -- Liking your own facebook status is like a bloke congratulating his hand after a w**k!

   Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

   Bacon is best served with a side of bacon

   Dont you hate it when Madonna steals you from an african village!

   Facebook killed the Myspace star.

   If you havent practice your alibi in front of the mirror, you haven't been in-love.

   In the scale of 1 to Kanye West, how interruptive are you?

   Screw the economy! I got a job for you, but it blows...

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow but the Leprechaun somked it!

   97% of people would scream if they saw justin bieber about to jump of a sky scraper 3% would sit in a chair with popcorn and yell "do a flip"

   Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.

   <~ clicks on all the ads to the right on Facebook and marks them ALL offensive, no matter what they are advertising ! Ima rebel like that !

   whats dumber than being married to your best friend for facebook purposes??????

   Schizophrenia beats being alone.

   All bleeding stops……..eventually