Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I LOVE my new x rated -GPS "Ahhh right there! Yes! Yes! Right there! Don't stop!!"

   NEVER take fashion advice from someone who wears CROCS!!!

   Boy: "How can I prove that I love you?" Girl: "Stop playing video games”.....Boy: "Get the fu*k out"

   Man: I dont have a condom Girl: Its fine I am ready to be a mom Man: Oh sh*t wait, never mind I found one

   I'll be completely honest with you... sometimes I shower naked.

   I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it

   Uh oh. Wikipedia is going black that means it's never coming back.

   You Basic women need to stop blaming every man for what your basic ass Ex did.

   I hate when I shout the wrong answer out in class with confidence

   Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

   The key to successful relationships is not to start any.

   If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your petville request, I could buy the Los Angeles Zoo..

   A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

   I know a girl that's had so many guys that CSI refer to her as "DNA storage unit"...

   There is talk of the Royal Wedding being broadcast in 3D. The United Kingdom should start preparing the world now for Charles's ears.

   Dear Waldo: Bite me. Go find yourself.

   It rubs the iPad on its skin or else it gets the Kindle again.

   (Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet)- Theres Always That One Lil Bird That Likes To Hang Right Outside My Bedroom Window At Aprox 5am -(Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet)- Like Doesnt He Have a Worm To Go Catch or Maybe a Car To Sh!t On????

   There should be breathalyzers installed in phones and facebook, that read "cannot text, call, or update status while under the infulence"

   's words to live by: Treat everyone you meet with dignity and respect but always have a plan to kill them.