Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   Only Picasso would have said I look lovely this morning.

   The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.~Leonardo Da Vinci

   Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could reverse the time and punch the person who made it that way... Me either, I am just saying..

   My safe word is blueberry pancakes. Whoops! this isn't MySpace.

   Today I have decided to wear my goody-two shoes. Yes, they are uncomfortable and NO, you can not borrow them...

   You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.

   fighting crime at the source...i'm donating to Planned Parenthood.

   To all those who look down on me; I'm tearin' down your balcony.

   You've only got three choices in life: Give up, give in, or give it all you've got.

   Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving..

   Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.

   trying to think of a new year's resolution that she will remember for the whole year

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   you can't expect dumb people to do smart things

   Feel free to kiss my third point of contact.

   has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.

   I once posed nude for a magazine... but the clerk still asked if I'd be paying with cash or credit.

   I totally think that I am following the A-Team's van right now, I am just waiting for things to just explode around us to confirm, this could be epic

   Mmm... caffeine pills. The midnight snack of champions