Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Amazon Go let's you walk out of the store without stopping to pay?.. Winona Ryder, , you are a woman about 15 years ahead of your time

   Why go to all the holiday expense of visiting relatives in another state when you can stay at home and set yourself on fire for free?

   It always fascinates me when someone gets off a water ride angry because they got wet.

   *at a fancy restaurant.. . Ummm,, yes, what color wines do you have

   I don't care what you say. Arbor Day and Christmas are cousins.

   I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

   YouTube: Domestically educating the public since 2005

   ..... The only thing deflated at this year's Superb owl was the Falcons.

   Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.

   My 5 year old asked for a lava lamp and now I'm checking his room for drugs

   No matter how low I lower the bar of expectation, some people manage to roll right under it.

   Have you ever noticed that when a woman says "I'll be ready in 5 minutes." it's the same length of time as when a man says "I'll be home in 5 minutes?"

   They say that ignorance is bliss but I find it rather disturbing.

   My minds wanders a lot. Fortunately, it's too weak to go very far.

   They are driven to do what they do and no new law will stop them.

   It's cool that both Twitter and Games of Thrones are all about 140 characters.

   Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.

   Recipes are like a dating service. They never end up looking like the picture.

   YEAH!!!!! FIRST DAY OF SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE!!!!! when do the kids go back to school??

   Contrary to rumors, a full moon before the summer solstice is not bad news. Unless you're a werewolf who likes to go to the beach.