Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A lock of Justin Bieber's hair is on auction on ebay current bid at 10,000 $ no wonder the worlds gone to the dogs

   20/20, Piers Morgan, Howard Stern........ I think the only show Charlie Sheen hasn't been on in the past three days is Two And A Half Men!

   I bet you 20 dollas I'm broke

   People should understand a smile is not an invitation for a conversation.

   I'm going to go protest corporations todmorrow. I'll wear my shirt from Macy's, grab my Cannon camera, hop in my Jeep® Grand Cherokee Laredo and tell my friends on facebook® (via my iPhone) to join me! (We'll be meetin up afterward at Starbucks)

   After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.

   The best things in life are free...............So how many kittens do you want?

   "I'm laying by the pool. Better take a picture of my legs and post it on the internet." - Girls

   If you wouldn't say it in person, dont say it online.

   if ignorance is bliss then there are a sh#t load of people in paradise

   I heard you are good at mathematics! Can you replace my X without asking Y?

   i hate someone who friend requests me then has the nerve to i.m. me"how do I know u" so I delete them and repy"now you dont know me"

   Whenever I hear the phrase 'anything is possible', I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door ;)

   Ladies if another girl steals your boyfriend, there's no better revenge but to let her keep him

   I woke up at 3am naked and holding a watermelon.

   no really!! If I ask you how old your child is, and you say something stupid like 87 weeks. then we're fighting!

   Watching Phoebe Cates exiting the pool for the 1,000,000,000 time!!!

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on the list.

   Men are like movies. After 3 plays, you want to return them.

   You know its a bad economy when you are getting less bang for your buck with a hooker...