Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. 
Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!
I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"
so, this guy is trying to sue me for sexual harassment in the workplace just because I like to flirt a little...good luck with that because I don't even work there!
Get off the phone while you driving and while your at it, pick a lane and stick to it
use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for solitaire.
This 'places' thing still scares me a little. It's like saying, "Hey stranger, come find me, look I made it really easy for you."
a strong man stands up for himself,an even stronger man stands up for others
The cost of a stamp is going up 2 cents. I'll e-mail all my friends and let them know.
*Insert Controversial topic here*
Some guy knocked at my door this morning and asked me if I've ever considered an alternative energy supplier. I said, "No, I'm quite happy with food."
not here for your sexual fantasies
Facebook needs a *LOVE* button... I'd hit it!!
We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And some people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved.
DON'T hit kids, NO- seriously, they have guns now.
n't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office?
I'm pretty sure the guy who came up with Guitar Hero got the idea from a scantron test!
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never tell a woman to shut up, just kiss her damnit.
And now, for my amazing feat today, I shall turn water into coffee!! Tune in later for world domination....after the laundrys done ;) 