Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Lacrosse is my favorite sport that combines looking like you're trying to catch a butterfly with having no friends @JhonRules 
Once the trust goes in a relationship, there's no point lying to them anymore.
We were having too good of a time to worry about what would happen tomorrow.[Summer.oh10]
It's fun to email news headlines to a buddy when a hurricane has the same name as his ex. "Hermine leaves trail of destruction", "Hermine won't stop blowing in Gulf Coast". Yeah, that's her alright.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.
told that he had great potential but applied himself innappropriately. To my responce....Thanks?!
wishes she had a theme song whenever she did something awesome.
an organ donor (see inside for details)...
The only time I don't 'get it' in a good way is at work.
Can you believe that people are actually paying Atheists $150 to take care of their pets after the Rapture???!!! I'm just mad because I paid more than that for them to harvest my crops on Farmville.... :(
I am either going to hell or the rapture was a hoax!!
The coffee maker is moving so slow, it's upsetting the space-time continuum.
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
I really don't have time to date. My iTunes library is very high maintenance
A flash mob sounds alot more fun then it actually is.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
When you start complaining that all your dreams have not come true, you have to realize that also means that dream about you forgetting your pants at home
If anyone tells you they've lost their voice, they're lying.
Our housing estate has a small, resident ghost that helps out during hard times. It's nice to have a little community spirit. 