Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Attention to all the mourners outside Amy Whinehouse's house, please form a line......its what she would've wanted. 
Before you judge Mitt Romney, try walking a mile in his backyard.
His haters would rather see people die than ever let him have a victory or give him any credit.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
can not think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.
Confucius say Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner if she stops sucking, replace the bag
Most Good People Say: Forgive & Forget, But 9/11 Is Not One Of Those Days That Is Possible...
I hate being bipolar... It's awsome!
Biden's son, another example of someone out douching their douchey parent
Just saw the fattest Dalmation ever. It was huge & had these teats that were almost touching the ground & it made a weird bark, like "moo"
I can't wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
With all the seriousness going on in the world, its imperative I let you know that a sex addict can always beat his addiction
OMG you guys!. I Almost hit a jogger while I was taking a selfie and driving today... So please you guys, be careful,,, do NOT jog.
Tis' far better to have lobsters on your piano,than crabs on your organ.
we can find old Atari games in a landfill but we can't find an AIRPLANE!?!?
Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders should put their heads together and figure out a way to give everyone free college and make Mexico pay for it.
Did you know that "vegan" is short for "joyless judgmental twat"?
The only way Kyle Rittenhouse loses his case is if the judge allows the jury to mail in their verdict
Wondering why the American government has been spending millions of tax payers money on building massive underground bunkers, tunnel systems and strange prison like camps all over your country. Sincerely: Your concerned friends north of the border
When people tell me I can't do something, I prove them wrong by complaining about it on Facebook. 