Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
It's cool when a band smashes their equipment after their last song. It'd be even cooler if Creed did it before their first song. 
Did you know if you go into google search and type in "askew" the page will shift to the right? Go try it!
wishes the voices in his head would quit singing off-key
We don't need "another" Immigration Bill. We need to enforce the law of the land and send them HOME.... Since when it is become fashionable to REWARD people for breaking the law????
He's not really dead, he's trapped in the jungle waiting for some to roll an 5 or 8
Tell me more about this victum role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself.
Last month,, An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from.
Ladies: Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down. Maybe YOU can learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it dow
Dear young guys who don't know what Cougars are: Let me introduce myself.
using your wifi
I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness
If you take a muscle relaxer and a Viagra together you will end up a Gumby with a Pokey.....
They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...
Relly hopes the weekend comes as quick as some of her exes
wondering if you have sex with a girl with multiple personalities, is it considered a "orgy"?
a goal without a plan is just a wish.
The good thing about Alzheimer is that you meet new people every day.
The 5-second rule is real! Earlier I ate a chip that was on the floor for 6.7 seconds, and here I am at the ER.
I will kill you, alarm clock. And your whole family and anyone you've ever cared about.
I believe in ghosts. I believe in aliens. But theres no way you will ever persuade me into believing in alien ghosts. Ridiculous. 