Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The police department should replace their sirens with the national athem.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 01:18 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fox news: oops, "well after all they all do look a like."
←Rate | 08-17-2018 00:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon " Thanks to the white house staff. I now know what cause my Meorex stock to go up."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know that 6 out of the 7 dwarves were not happy?
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:54 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought a camo shirt the other day and now I can't find the damn thing...
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon It takes raw talent to make sushi.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 21:19 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Birthday 8/17 Mae West, Robert Deniro and Sean Penn.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The diference between inlaws and outlaws...... Outlaws are wanted.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 18:20 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon The thing about glitter is that once you get it on you, you can never completely wash it off. Glitter is the Herpes of craft supplies.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ordered the worlds largest box from Amazon what would they ship it in?
←Rate | 08-16-2018 02:40 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Da how can de trump bees a rac1st if hees done got bone spurs?
←Rate | 08-16-2018 01:23 by Inotbebright Comments (2)  

   messageicon They don't just call the "white" house the "white" house because it's white.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 01:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Forty years ago I asked this beautiful woman to marry me . . . She responded with, "GET LOST, CARL! YOU CREEP ME OUT!"
←Rate | 08-15-2018 23:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am thinking about writing a book called The Two Faces of Donald Trump.
←Rate | 08-15-2018 23:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm great at spelling bees. But hopless at spelling other words."
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:10 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon It may be time to start exercising . Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying for the summit tomorrow.
←Rate | 08-15-2018 12:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Auto Repair Price List Ping-Ping-Ping 35.00 Plunk-Ping-Plunk 50.00 Klunk-Ping-Klunk 125.00 Thud-Klunk-Thud 200.00 Clank-Thud-Clank 325.00
←Rate | 08-15-2018 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Stress Doctor said I need to find a purpose but I can't get my wife to drive me to the aquarium..
←Rate | 08-15-2018 11:17 by Gerry Comments (0)  

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