Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be the reason someone smiles today
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:58 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being a human cannibal is the only job where you can be fired evey day and still keep your job :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:54 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon My wife cheated on me with my best friend. Then she left me after I begged and pleaded with her to stay and work it out. Now I have nothing.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:25 by Vernon Comments (5)  

   messageicon After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump was with this Playboy Bunny, that Playboy Bunny, this Porn Star while he was married, and all about the same time Slick Willy was getting his knob slobbed by Monica in the Ovdl Office. Your point?
←Rate | 02-16-2018 19:16 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Don't forget boys and girls: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING! So the FBI can ignore you and let the shooter go ahead and so his thing.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another school shooting? Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't go to school with a bunch of white kids....
←Rate | 02-16-2018 16:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every post since the school shooting: [outrage] [your personal agenda] [hashtag catchy slogan]
←Rate | 02-16-2018 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does Russia want us to have less gun control? Why do they care?
←Rate | 02-16-2018 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a new respect for Trump now. He's a big time playa!
←Rate | 02-16-2018 13:26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Buys a cheap box of wine and parties like it’s $19.99
←Rate | 02-16-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lets behonest.. Apart from "I love you" and "I miss you" which other jokes do you know? ??
←Rate | 02-16-2018 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another Playboy model has come out, saying she had an affair with Trump, 2 years into his marriage with Melania. Trump, you horny old goat, you!
←Rate | 02-16-2018 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 18 school shootings since Jan. the same generation that eats laundry detergent...and you wanna say we have a gun problem.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 11:12 by Mas Comments (4)  

   messageicon 21) For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
←Rate | 02-16-2018 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If men Honestly answered facebook question ; What's on your mind? Facebook would turn into a pornsite
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In ancient greece, throwing an apple at a woman , was considered a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.......Still it is on.......Throw an Apple iPhone 8 & she will definitely say YES
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:41 Comments (0)  

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