Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon it "Brainstorm" or "Green Needle" Just asking.
←Rate | 05-21-2018 16:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump says he for the people's right to. Concealed weapons and to bear arms. If so, then why is it a no gun zone at his rallies and speechies .
←Rate | 05-21-2018 16:15 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Butt stuff? God no. I'm a proper lady, and only use my butt hole for smuggling drugs.
←Rate | 05-21-2018 15:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is the devil 😈 tryin to be my bff?…
←Rate | 05-21-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your kid graduates high school you were smart and voted for Trump.
←Rate | 05-21-2018 09:04 by Degree101 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Admit it. Every once in a while you say "Open Sesame" while walking up to an automatic door.
←Rate | 05-21-2018 07:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
←Rate | 05-21-2018 07:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is a country that outlawed “lawn darts” and the possession of a plant before it ever considered banning assault rifles.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 23:34 by Cicci Comments (6)  

   messageicon I just ordered a plunger and a spatula on Amazon so next time you order one and it recommends the other, you can thank me
←Rate | 05-20-2018 23:15 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon We all just need someone who will tie us to the bedpost and tell us everything is going to be alright.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a box fan affix to the ceiling as a ceiling fan...... You might be a trupian.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 21:49 Comments (7)  

   messageicon I think it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 21:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Almond milk? I didn't even know almonds had nipples.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 21:33 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have two TV's together, one with the sound, the other with the picture...... You might be trumpian.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 21:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your truck has curtians but your home windows don't...... You might be a trumpian.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 21:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I'm a nice person.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going back to bed is my favourite coping mechanism.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 13:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms, thanks
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:59 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I'll be telling everyone it's from having sex while skydiving.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All aboard the Prison Bus...oops, I mean The Trump Train.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:30 Comments (23)  

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