Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can remember a time when we didn’t allow crazy people to be in charge of running things.

   Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

   Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like an umbrella.” Banana: “Dude?! Change the topic!”

   ⓘ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓑⓞⓡⓔⓓ, ⓢⓞ ⓘ ⓓⓔ©ⓘⓓⓔⓓ ⓣⓞ ⓟⓤⓣ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ ⓘⓝⓢⓘⓓⓔ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ.

   wondering if i'm updating my facebook status now, then who is watching the hostages?

   : Jesus says to John, "Come forth and I shall give you eternal life"....John came in fifth...He won a toaster.

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend…until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a parking lot...

   President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.

   a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!

   On Sunday, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour. And on Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years...VOTE!!!

   Rihanna sings about how chains and whips excite her. I wonder if her ancestors felt the same way!

   Growing old but never up

   Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

   blowing stuff up with his mind....

   My coffee is so black and strong it just punched me in the face and stole my wallet.

   getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Triangle'.

   My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician!!

   The dislikes for the above post...guess where THEY live?

   no more ducks, Deens, gators, survivalist-preppers, Amish Mafia, snake handlers, moonshiners & hillbillie loggers for 2014. C'mon tv channels, you're better than that, stop with the stupid crap

   Ugghhh ! I literaly just saw a chicken cross the road in front of my car,,, and FORGOT to stop and ask him why......... (Stupid,stupid,stupid,me)