Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Dear Mr. Kotter, Juan was unable to complete his homework because he had to take me to the Doctor for my lumbago. Signed, Epstein's Mother RIP Robert Hegyes

   Its a sad day. Signed, Epstein's Mother

   I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me.

   Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.

   its been so windy lately, I think mother nature ate some bad Taco Bell.

   Fellas: Make sure you always treat the women in your life with respect and dignity. From your grandmother, mother, sister to your girlfriend or wife, because a woman never forgets how you treat her.

   Freudian slip; Where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

   Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   My wife is taking my kids to go see the nut cracker this weekend. Of course I'm talking about my mother in law not the show.

   My mother-in-law is a meteorologist. Well, not a meteorologist, but whatever it is called when you complain about the weather 6 times a day.

   "Knock knock." "Who's there?""Dave." "Dave who?" Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.

   My daughter told her mother that a kid in class showed her his peck*r. My wife flipped. My daughter said it reminded her of a peanut, so my wife asked her if it was small. My daughter said, "No, salty."

   Omg I'm so hungry I could eat my ex wife's cooking while sitting at the table with my ex mother in law!

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - I was shopping for condoms and she asked if I knew how to use them.