Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If you're 13 & under & have a Facebook, that's cheating. You gotta start from Myspace —-> Twitter —-> Facebook. Just like everybody else. 
If you find something wrong with EVERY person you meet maybe its because you haven't been introduced to yourself!
Childbirth. The most beautiful thing in the world… Being destroyed by a baby.
knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad...
believes the NFL will support Haiti by sending over 10 million "Indianapolis Colts 2010 Super Bowl Champions" t-shirts!
They keep telling me that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.
If you were on a deserted island and you could only bring one item, how come people never say "A boat"
Queen Elizabeth now has a Facebook page,going to give her a poke
Dear lunatic boyracer in the souped-up, loud BMW.. If you want to kill yourself by driving like an imbecile on icy roads kindly do this at 4am where you are very unlikely to take an innocent person with you.
What do you mean push #1 for English???
Chaos: What erupts when he-who-lives-in-a-glass-house invites he-who-is-without-sin for dinner.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
We are in for such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual and so far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared, Are you all OK?
Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.
looking for a cute little bunny with a nice set of eggs
better to know and be disappointed, than to never know and always wonder..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. I told her I wanted to be on cops
I'll give you an exact definition of "in love". When her bra and underwear match.
going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they act up I will just hit them all at once
The nice thing about waiting a week to listen to your voicemail is that those people usually don't need you for that thing anymore. 