Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between ignorance and complete stupidity ... but then someone always comes along and clears it up for me. THANKS!!

   Will be getting Rosetta stone for the 2 voices in my head that don't speak English. Wonder if I can get a group discount??

   One thing I learned about a vacation you drive to…. my GPS has a female voice and would make the perfect wife… it sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say - it says something useful.

   O Friday, O Friday! wherefore art thou Friday? Deny thy other weekdays and refuse thy work hours. Or if thou wilt not, just hurry up and get here already.

   anyone else as apprehensive about throwing out a shoebox as I am?

   I think this person in the bank drive thru in front of me is refinancing their mortgage.

   THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously it's not rocket science.

   since today's date is 90210 this is the closest I'm going to be to being rich, spoiled, and caucasian.

   fears Hurricane Earl, but only because it sounds like the prison nickname of a man wearing overalls who beat someone to death with a banjo.

   I bet Clint Eastwood uses the most badass denture adhesive available.

   I've got this amazing idea that I don't really understand and have no idea how to explain.

   It's only cheating if you get caught. Well, if you never get caught, you're stuck in two meaningless relationships.

   says the people I work with are making me crazy, I think there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room. If the test shows they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.

   I saw a big billboard that said "We Buy Ugly Houses".... so... I gave them my neighbors' address. :)

   Cause nobody says, "Slow down, theres a security gaurd!"

   they say Facebook is worth $50 billion, Facebook you think you could pay someone to fix all the dam glitches

   if I could afford the wood I would have your mouth boarded up!!!

   Facebook is making it to easy and socially acceptable to stalk people.

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   It's kind of sad that they replaced Mailbox on Blue's Clues with e-mail.