Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gold Digger is another term for "smart hooker"

   Gentlemen Never forget that a girl is your friend only until she finds a boyfriend.

   You never have to wonder if someone loves you or not; their actions will speak loud and clear. If you're still wondering, they don't.

   The only time I wouldn't mind being buried alive is if were under a pile of money.

   You had me at: "I have an open bar tab."

   I'm a Gentleman. I'll always give a woman my umbrella if it's raining outside. Unless she's wearing white of course.

   Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Bathroom Mirrors & Associates?

   Your girlfriend is much prettier with her hair down. And by 'down' I mean 'over her face'.

   I know you put up with the crazy for the blow jobs.

   Look to the left. Now look to the right. Guess what? I just virtually slapped you :)

   This morning I had to stare death directly in the eyes! Well, it was my ex, but she looks dead and it was still scary.

   I attribute most of my good days to a couple of people with voodoo dolls canceling each other out.

   Love starts with "You are different" and ends with, "You are all the same".

   Women that have strong handshakes kind of freak me out

   "Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"

   Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. I'm gonna live forever!

   you know...."Manuscript" is probably the classiest place to hide the word "anus"....

   Sometimes when I am bored I like to park on the side of the freeway and stick a blow dryer out the window and watch the cars slam on their brakes.

   You would have thought that the Mexican Mafia would have done something about Taco Bell by now.

   The love of Money is the root of all evil.. For more information,,,, send $20 to me.