Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   i bought my mother in law a tv and furniture for her birthday...you shouldve seen her face when rent a center came and picked it up...yup she hates me

   A furniture for my mother in law's birthday??? Thank you honey... I think coffin just sounds right...

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

   “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”

   My mother used to hide the eggs in the same place every Easter... the dairy section of our local supermarket.

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   You see,,, Once you start making Freudian slips, you can't stop,,, it's just one after a mother.

   My wife has asked me to get her some gloves to wear at her mother's funeral. Does anyone know where I can buy those giant foam fingers?

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   My wife doesn't appreciate that I love her mother in law more than I love mine.

   My wife's great-great-grandmother on her mother's side was The Kracken

   the amount of times ones mother enters the room whilst one is watching a movie is equally proportional to the amount of times that a "s*x scene" appears in the movie, and so it seems!

   If the tables were turned and men could give birth it would be nice to hear Maury say "YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER"!!!!!!

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep Happy Mother's Day

   When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.

   My mother taught me RELIGION. “You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

   "You don't have to send your mother anything today, we already paid her enough." - Gay dad

   To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.

   Bought my wife bagels this morning so she dont have to cook breakfast...Happy Mother s day:)