father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   A wise man once told me, "You are not the father"! Thanks Maury!

   I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."

   Dad, you are like a father to me.

   I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

   My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

   you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole

   Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.

   Condom Ad: if you are not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!!

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"

   I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!

   No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.

   Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father