Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I asked the librarian for the latest book on erectile dysfunction! She clattered her computer keyboard and said.."It's not coming up!"...I said.."Yeah!...that's the one!!
←Rate | 08-03-2017 09:41 by Trueman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst part of working for the Department of Unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
←Rate | 08-19-2017 11:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.
←Rate | 08-24-2017 23:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
←Rate | 09-29-2017 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re a security guard at Samsung does that make you a Guardian if the galaxies ?
←Rate | 10-08-2017 11:07 by Jon🦌 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought some pre-tangled Christmas lights to save some time this year.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you make a sex tape, make sure it plays Disney music in the background. That way, if it gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.
←Rate | 10-10-2019 11:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss those days when I would sneeze and someone would politely say, "Bless You" now they run the other way.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We Just bought 12 pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.
←Rate | 03-28-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody else up to 6 meals a day
←Rate | 04-08-2020 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.
←Rate | 04-10-2020 14:38 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is very hard for me to concentrate when I am in the same room with chocolate cake.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:10 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you can't win an argument with someone, correct their grammar instead
←Rate | 01-11-2018 03:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I mix my Tide Pods with Red Bull so I get the benefit of clean energy.......
←Rate | 01-17-2018 17:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
←Rate | 01-18-2018 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don't have a weight problem....I'm just hot
←Rate | 01-23-2018 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As an optimist,I don’t think I have a drinking problem. I have a drinking opportunity.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 14:10 by Cicci Comments (0)  


   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Customer service: And how does your name appear on your credit card? "I'd say about 11 pt Arial Bold"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  




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