Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii or just a low ha…🤔

   Ok, let's be honest. I hate shopping for bras. You would think with the growing population of aging baby boomers, they would have more of a selection in 36 long.

   Jussie, you've been found guilty but please don't beat yourself up over it.

   If you think your microwave spying on you is bad… Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

   "This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks

   In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.

   The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.

   It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.

   There are only two things I want out of life! 1. Lose Weight 2. Eat!

   I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.

   Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis

   One of the worst jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in a James Bond movie.

   Don't forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.

   How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge a grand for it.

   Truth is truth even if nobody believes it. Lies are still lies even if everybody believes it.

   Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album

   How can the guy below refer to anyone's dumbness when he spells quarantine like that? You can't make this stuff up, folks.

   whoa they've gone way too far when they disarm Elmer Fudd

   The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.

   My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.