Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Nipples...Mother Nature's thermometer.

   My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that's when I hired my first hooker.

   My mother used to hide the eggs in the same place every Easter... the dairy section of our local supermarket.

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   Fellas: Make sure you always treat the women in your life with respect and dignity. From your grandmother, mother, sister to your girlfriend or wife, because a woman never forgets how you treat her.

   Since Kanye wants to write a song named 'I Am God' I wanna see him bring his dead mother back to life again.

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?

   I'm more confused than Ricky Martin's kids on mother's day.

   If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

   saw clash of the titans last night, my mother in law won the battle.

   My mother taught me RELIGION. “You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   In honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to subtly disapprove of everything people do today by loudly exhaling.

   OKAY honey don't freak out someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   writes apology to 90's hip hop for the words he never gave to his mother.

   I'd stand a much greater chance at checking out those spam porn emails if they didn't read something like, "young cuties horses XXX mother/son gangbang bondage erotica!" Uh, all at the same time, or...?

   The day my mother learned how to use emojis was the day I realized how good we had it with rotary phones

   Your sister wives’ moms are technically mother-in-against-the-laws