Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   congrats to Bob Costas!! America's d ick of the week!!!!

   Let's observe a moment of silence for all the black women who don't have a Q or an apostrophe in their first name.

   Thinks everybody makes mistakes. Just ask ur mom and dad

   If the press in Haiti would quit complaining about how things aren't getting done, and would put their cameras & mics down and search, more people might be found!

   'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

   I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn't ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.

   wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

   Independent women throw your hands in the air!!!! Whooooooo! Ok now put your hands down and go do some dishes.

   Daughter: Dad I'm a lesbian Dad: ok it's cool.. Second daughter: I'm also a lesbian Dad: Christ! Doesn't anyone in this family love c0ck? Son: I do!

   my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I replied "space". Was that wrong?

   Why was Frosty so excited? He heard the snowblower was coming.

   When I looked out from my house, there were no cars....no people around, and my neighbors driveways were empty. It was quiet.......too quiet. Of course you would be thinking the same thing as I was..........that's right...Zombies!

   Remember the time when Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles. Super Nintendo, Sega Genisis, the ORIGINAL Nickelodeon, Saturday morning cartoons. and recess made you a real kid back then.

   this is not a joke.....if an application for a dislike button comes up on your facebook DO NOT OPEN IT....it is a scam.Just thought I'd warn you folks!

   everybody could learn a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention to criticism

   watching Jersey Shore...Are my eyes supposed to bleed?

   UPDATE: In the wake of Starbucks announcing a new, bigger size yesterday, McDonalds will come out with a 400-pound McNugget.

   Women are like roads: the more curves they have,the more dangerous they are.

   In it's purest sense, redistribution of wealth is when I buy dogfood, feed it to my dogs, and they sh#t it out all over my yard...

   wonders why Noah didn't kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.