Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 11:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon A successful relationship is one in which one person shuts up when the other is right.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 13:29 by petty 86 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people.
←Rate | 07-13-2013 19:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ask someone if they will watch your bike for you and dont leave. Just stand there and watch your bike with your new friend
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when the History channel use to show history stuff? -MTV
←Rate | 08-09-2013 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 14:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon someday i'll get that abacus. you can count on it
←Rate | 01-12-2013 13:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn't sing it out loud in public.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 05:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon That mini heart attack you get when you reach in your pocket and your phone isn't there.
←Rate | 09-05-2012 18:34 by yobs Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you know when your pet rock dies?
←Rate | 09-13-2012 13:35 by @TigsTygrrr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Denial (n.) Balding men with ponytails.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 09:10 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone who went to school and got a degree in graphic design put time and effort into designing the butterfly design on my toilet paper
←Rate | 04-17-2013 01:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started training for a .00001K run coming up 2 years from now. It's going to be hell, but I think I can do it.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon no matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster
←Rate | 06-13-2013 04:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if a drug commercial spends 15 seconds on the drug and 45 seconds on the side effects, I'd avoid that one...
←Rate | 06-20-2013 19:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People don't change... They just learn to lie better!
←Rate | 02-20-2013 13:10 by @Georgesdiab Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my jerk button and we'll be great
←Rate | 02-27-2013 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There's ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
←Rate | 03-06-2013 09:37 by greg2missy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein's forehead would have been far less noticeable.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 05:53 by MC Fazzerino Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont know who is more pathetic, the idiot who opens and runs a celebrity parody twitter account or the idiots who follows and re-tweets thinking its the real celebrity.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 08:39 Comments (0)  

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