Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you have a kid named Cody your chances of owning a 4-wheeler increase by 150%.
←Rate | 09-05-2018 02:44 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 08:01 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
←Rate | 10-08-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not accept a Friend Request from Lizzie Borden. You will get hacked.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
←Rate | 10-10-2018 13:36 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but you’ll never have to tell me to slow down.
←Rate | 10-12-2018 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!
←Rate | 10-21-2018 05:44 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, No, you don't deserve to be hung up, sit there and think about what you've done.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t care what anyone says, I still think Malaria is a beautiful name for a little girl
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The New York marathon was found to be a more efficient way to get around the city."
←Rate | 11-04-2018 21:31 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I turned back my clock way too much I just saw a guy with a mullet at Starbucks.
←Rate | 11-05-2018 13:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon STDs are not Pokémon, you don’t have to catch them all, Kim Kardashian.
←Rate | 11-16-2021 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say "Well, it could have been worse." Well you know what, Becky? It could have been a hell of a lot better too!
←Rate | 11-18-2021 20:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl got naked and asked me to "Show her a good time." So I showed her Facebook pics of me with my friends the night before...
←Rate | 02-25-2016 17:51 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its true, Alcohol kills people. But on the bright side, if it wasn't for alcohol half my friend probably would have never been born.
←Rate | 10-16-2017 23:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love when I tell a cat owner I'm allergic and they look at me like I just confessed to a series of truck stop homicides.
←Rate | 10-17-2017 06:07 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon That time you used the flashlight on your phone to help look for your phone
←Rate | 10-17-2017 23:54 by Roach2001 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just loosen all the jar lids and keep the silence going !
←Rate | 01-27-2018 04:46 Comments (0)  




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