Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Thanks ABC News, if it wasn't for your extensive news coverage, I wouldn't have known that it gets hot outside in the middle of July. 
←Rate | 07-08-2012 13:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it....That's Hollywood
←Rate | 04-20-2012 22:05 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
←Rate | 05-01-2012 11:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fact: Tan cellulite looks better than pale cellulite.
←Rate | 03-20-2011 01:24 by jt Comments (0)  

   messageicon does this "no fly zone" mean I can't use the trip to Libya I purchased from my Nigerian lottery winnings?
←Rate | 03-20-2011 21:05 by Jeffrey Brooks Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
←Rate | 09-12-2011 00:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your day ends in pizza, you have nothing to complain about :D
←Rate | 09-17-2011 18:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 16:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.
←Rate | 10-01-2011 05:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)
←Rate | 10-06-2011 14:38 by Jay Son Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a girl gets a free drink, it doesn't mean she'll be interested, it'll only mean "YAAY FREE DRINK!!"
←Rate | 05-26-2011 07:07 by Surge yarmolyuk Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them
←Rate | 06-08-2011 17:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be careful when it comes to reincarnation…. one time I asked to be a singer and I spent 30 years as a sewing machine.
←Rate | 06-09-2011 12:29 by J. BIAZA Comments (0)  

   messageicon For Sale: New Nunchucks. Will consider trading for a bag of ice and a new set of marbles.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 01:37 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How come the week always lasts longer than the money you have?
←Rate | 06-19-2011 21:09 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon To that person who long, long ago, first looked at coffee beans and thought "You know, I bet we could make some kind of hot drink out of these things!", I THANK YOU. VERY VERY MUCH! :)
←Rate | 06-22-2011 13:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bin Ladens last words " hey your Chuck Nor_____"
←Rate | 05-02-2011 11:01 by Bear Comments (0)  

   messageicon pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
←Rate | 05-06-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i love it when I get tailgated on a bumpy road and the driver behind me has no time to avoid the really big pothole that takes away his body kit.
←Rate | 05-07-2011 07:22 by mtravica Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I'd probably just pay for a Klondike bar.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 02:56 by jdpower Comments (0)  

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