Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I hate it when someone I don't like says something funny.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 21:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that Bin Laden is dead, can I finally bring shampoo on a plane?
←Rate | 05-03-2011 07:40 by man_9 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Don't you just love it when someone owes you money and posts that they just bought some luxury item for themselves.
←Rate | 02-08-2011 11:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 15:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....
←Rate | 11-19-2011 13:14 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
←Rate | 11-27-2011 14:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when I buy a hamster at the pet store, and it grows huge, becomes a rapper and steals my KIA...
←Rate | 12-27-2011 20:50 by fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.
←Rate | 12-30-2012 15:28 by Ortega Comments (0)  

   messageicon A cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I followed you " so I said "because my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail.....
←Rate | 01-12-2013 00:31 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do porn sites have a Google+ option? I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+
←Rate | 05-01-2013 01:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
←Rate | 07-30-2013 22:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thank goodness tim joined us. Haven't seen these jokes in days...
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey Vegas, your slogan is bullsh!t" – Prince Harry
←Rate | 08-23-2012 01:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to remind everyone it's not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
←Rate | 09-18-2012 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's all watch a bunch of millionaires give each other gold trophies
←Rate | 02-24-2013 23:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fake friends are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hours.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 20:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think that if I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, for the irony.
←Rate | 01-12-2011 08:29 by Kevin Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to the shortage of great leaders, I have decided to follow myself.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why the Trojan condom is named after the Trojan horse? Isn't that the horse that penetrated the roman walls then broke open spilling hundreds of men into the city?
←Rate | 03-30-2010 13:02 Comments (4)  

   messageicon my anger management class pisses me off..
←Rate | 11-15-2010 21:47 Comments (0)  

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