Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1324 of 6446

For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
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09-15-2013 21:50
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going to be in such good shape now that he found these WII fit Cheat codes!
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05-12-2009 03:20 by Nilmer
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likes it on the floor, next to the bed, so she doesn't forget it it when I kick her out in the morning
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10-06-2010 09:38 by Vybe
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OK some Women want to be equal to Men... Send us flowers to work, pick us up for a date, open the car or any door for us, take us out to dinner and a movie flip the bill and leave the tip and you make the first move at the end of the date!!!
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01-10-2012 21:32 by BEGO
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Dear bl@ck people, stop trying to impress others with fancy cars and clothes. Let's try impress each other with investments and good credit!
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05-09-2012 13:03
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There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???

The dimmer brat party has changed. I know, I was one. Until Obama and Biden started all this BS we’re dealing with now. Miss Trump yet?
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09-04-2021 20:56
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On Dasher, on Dancer, on Master Card and Visa.
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12-24-2017 20:20
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"I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let's make this more interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."
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04-23-2012 20:33
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Don't get fooled by the free toilet paper app., My phone is ruined now
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05-26-2012 07:37 by snotty
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I know today is starting out to be a bad day, even my Rice Krispies went SH*T,CRAP,AND F*CK .
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01-04-2012 09:15
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Makeup, soda, sandwich, texting, talking, then I realized she was driving the car in front of me, in traffic.

Gentleman...... Start Your Livers!!!!
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03-17-2012 09:45 by Steve OH
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Hell hath no fury like a woman slightly inconvenienced.

Everyone was touching and kissing the trophy. I was just waiting for someone to hump the damn thing.
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02-05-2012 22:27
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That moment of epic sadness when you shut down the computer and then you realize that you need it again.
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02-16-2012 16:13 by fadolo
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If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.

I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person that looks good refuses to delete it

I saw a squirrel eating a dead squirrel on the way home. So, the bath salt/zombie crisis has now reached the animal kingdom...
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06-10-2012 09:25 by sully
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Note to self: When picking your nose in the car... watch out for speed bumps.
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09-07-2012 16:24
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