Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
←Rate | 10-19-2010 02:22 by PL Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon what's the point in knocking when you can just text someone that you're outside their house.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 22:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes
←Rate | 08-23-2010 16:32 by LYZ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"
←Rate | 12-27-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?
←Rate | 01-07-2011 14:31 by Michael Comments (1)  

   messageicon Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 15:57 by Hannibal Comments (0)  

   messageicon "hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"
←Rate | 11-03-2010 18:11 by lionel Cox Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever look at your friend's photos and think, "If you only knew what I did with her before she started seeing you."
←Rate | 11-10-2010 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!
←Rate | 11-12-2010 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you are posting how many days there are until Christmas in November, you should have to do all the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.
←Rate | 11-13-2010 11:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks everyone for posting photos of the fresh snow. No, really I haven't seen nearly enough in person even though I was shoveling at 5am this morning.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon .569 seconds...the amount of time it takes me to get away from a spider.
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
←Rate | 03-04-2011 23:39 by Vivus Comments (0)  

   messageicon I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....
←Rate | 03-12-2011 10:34 by Van Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 19:12 Comments (0)  

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