Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To many Generals are taking orders from their privates
←Rate | 11-13-2012 12:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
←Rate | 10-12-2012 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 10:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."
←Rate | 10-18-2012 12:54 by Susan Comments (0)  

   messageicon So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice it's only "stalking" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive.
←Rate | 08-29-2012 06:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I will take a boring joke here any day over any more Zimmerman p0sts.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Jim Harbaugh used to unplug the Nintendo when his brother was winning.
←Rate | 02-03-2013 23:34 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
←Rate | 04-19-2013 02:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Kim Kardashian named her son North West....wouldn't that make her vagina the North West Pasage?
←Rate | 06-22-2013 20:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You play the victim so well, I'm surprise you don't carry around your own piece of chalk.
←Rate | 11-04-2013 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
←Rate | 11-07-2015 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's start a charity where we give cats to people who say goodnight to social networking sites.
←Rate | 02-28-2014 05:35 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.
←Rate | 04-05-2014 21:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon People don't call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
←Rate | 12-13-2014 06:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon You had me at 0 mutual friends
←Rate | 01-27-2015 12:36 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winning a fight with your wife, is like winning a vacation to Detroit... Don't get too excited
←Rate | 05-25-2015 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)  

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