Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 15:57 by Hannibal Comments (0)  

   messageicon "hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"
←Rate | 11-03-2010 18:11 by lionel Cox Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever look at your friend's photos and think, "If you only knew what I did with her before she started seeing you."
←Rate | 11-10-2010 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!
←Rate | 11-12-2010 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"
←Rate | 12-27-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?
←Rate | 01-07-2011 14:31 by Michael Comments (1)  

   messageicon Thanks everyone for posting photos of the fresh snow. No, really I haven't seen nearly enough in person even though I was shoveling at 5am this morning.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon .569 seconds...the amount of time it takes me to get away from a spider.
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
←Rate | 03-04-2011 23:39 by Vivus Comments (0)  

   messageicon I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....
←Rate | 03-12-2011 10:34 by Van Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 19:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
←Rate | 04-24-2011 13:18 by Unknown Guy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location
←Rate | 05-02-2011 11:39 by CJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"
←Rate | 05-02-2011 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?
←Rate | 05-09-2011 17:29 by mikael-p. Comments (0)  

   messageicon While Facebooking, cars in front of you may be closer than expected.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 21:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"
←Rate | 05-19-2011 22:15 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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